Sunday, October 28, 2012

I hate this body

You know, I'm just gonna be honest with you guys.

I hate this body I am living in.

I HATE it.

I know I shouldn't hate.  But this is my semi-annual rant about living in constant pain.

And I can't even write long because my entire right arm is practically useless.  I can type but my elbow hurts so bad, and it goes down into my wrist.  My fingers hurt.  It's like every single joint in my hand is throbbing and I can't grip anything.  I can't hold anything up for more than a few seconds.

I've been writing a post about the amazing thing that God did for me Friday night, regarding my fear.  But it's unfinished and in addition to my arm, my head, knee, neck, and shoulders are killing me too.  Because...why not?

I'm not mad at God.

Sometimes I wonder if He isn't just going to allow this for...forever...

But I don't want to keep living in pain.  I want it to just be gone.  I feel like I am only half the woman I can be, because of the amount of pain I am in.  There are daily tasks that I can't do without regretting it for several hours.

They call it arthritis.


I'm only thirty three.  I should not have arthritis all throughout my spine, my arms, and my knees.  I just shouldn't.

And just arthritis is so much more than that.  People who are not affected by it simply do NOT understand what it is like.  When it rains.  When the weather changes and it is cold.

Sometimes I wonder if this is my very own "thorn in my side."  If it is, then I need to bear up under it I suppose.

I just needed to vent.  Today is just a really bad day.  I'm hoping tomorrow will get better.  I do plan to call the rheumatologist and try to get in to get cortisone in my neck and shoulders.  So hopefully that will happen soon, and be helpful...


  1. I am with ya... I can't wait for my new body that God will give me when I die. It sucks.

    1.'s one more thing to look forward to when I die. Good point.